His Lies
by Alidiabin
Summary: Ziva's thoughts on Ray after thier little fight. 8x20 spoilers.


**Title: **His Lies**  
>Fandom: <strong>NCIS**  
>Author: <strong>Alidiabin**  
>Words: <strong>867**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>I own nothing**  
>Warnings Spoilers: ** 8x20. **  
>Parings:<strong> Ziva/Ray  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Ziva's thoughts on Ray after their fight.

_**His Lies**_

CIA-NCIS Liaison the words echo in her head. EJ's smug voice. The silent question _didn't you know? _God, how much she hated her. How badly she wanted to hit her. Ray had been in cahoots (she was sure it was the right expression) with EJ the entire time. Ziva was just a means to an end. Another mission.

Then came the flashes of familiar faces from her series of failed romances. Anger was replaced with deep sadness. Men who lied to her, men who used her as a means to an end. Eli. Ari. Namir Ishamel. Michael Rivkin. Michael god dam Rivkin. Ziva cursed herself, how had she not noticed the parallels between Ray and Michael. Both with secretive jobs, in other places, both stole her heart far too quickly.

How did she let herself be caught in this mess again? Why could not she get what everyone else had? A happy normal faithful relationship. Was it too much to ask? Did she not deserve to be happy just this once?

Suddenly, the memories flood her. Blissfully happy memories: Ray taking her dancing in Miami, the gleaming moon. His hand on her waist it not feeling like a threat. Feeling safe. Him not pressuring her into sex: _We'll take it slow_, he told her as they ran barefoot across the golden sands after dancing the night away.

That perfect night over Christmas when they celebrated the holiday with a private party. It felt like Ziva was loosing her virginity again, he lit candles and played a Latino version of Barry Manilow, which was nothing compared to the quick screw in a weapons carrier that took her virginity or anything after that.

She had even met his mother. His feisty immigrant mother, who mistakenly thought she was Chilean. So Ziva spent the afternoon speaking perfect Spanish to her. When Ray had explained, Maria Cruz had laughed too and enquired about marriage. Ziva had instantly shaken her head and claimed they were taking it slow, but for a moment she thought about it: a white dress, flowers and Gibbs walking her down the isle. For the first time in her entire life Ziva had thought about her own wedding.

Ray was almost perfect. He seemed like a prince from the stupid fairy tales that Ziva's own mother read to her and Tali as children. But he was too perfect. And Ziva David was not allowed perfection, she had done too many bad things. She was unworthy.

But he lied.

She trusted him, hell she loved him and he lied. Just like Rivkin. He lied.

She had been nothing but honest with him. She told him how she did not trust easily. When they were in bed she would explain the origin of each new scar he discovered as much as those memories hurt. As much as she wanted to run, she held back the tears and she told him. She told him the truth. The truth and nothing but the truth.

Because trust and honesty was how you built a relationship not that she much had experience with either. That's what the shrink told her during their mandatory psych sessions almost two years ago after … after that summer away. That was where she had gone wrong before; relationships had been built on lies or mutual pleasure.

But before it did not hurt as much she reminded herself. Before she did not want to crawl under her bed with a bottle of vodka next to her when some stupid man stomped all over her heart. Before, she simply moved on without a second though. She survived.

So, Ziva sat alone in the dark in her bare apartment, shreds of ripped up photos and broken gifts scattered around her lounge. She had dropped a slightly intoxicated and rather freaked out Tony off at his apartment, and found EJ's car already waiting for him an hour ago. _God Ziva_ she thought _you did not just waste an entire hour thinking about a stupid guy_. She picked up her phone. She scrolled down the call menu to Ray's number. One she knew off by heart.

It had not been that bad she told herself. One lie of omission she reminded herself. She had been too drastic. Too damn hasty. It was one lie. But how many more were there. How much more pain could he inflict on her? Could she even trust him again?

She stared at his number. Then without a second thought she pressed delete.

She got up from her seat. Ziva David did not just sit around when some stupid man made her feel like crap. Made her wonder if everything is lie. No when that sort of stuff happens, she finds her guns; it has after all been too long since they got a good clean.

She cleaned them until her hands are ebony black with polish. She told herself Ray is an asshole and a few more far more rude expletives in foreign tongues.

Tomorrow, she will pretend like he never existed. And take the photos of them together to the shooting range for target practice. It had been a while since she had been there too.

**A/N**: Unbetaed. Inspired by a song called 'Her Lies' by Assaf Avidan and The Mojos. So?


End file.
